Thursday, April 19, 2012

Things I Never Thought I Would Say

Kids say the strangest things, but they have nothing on me!  A few years ago, on Princess K's birthday to be exact, I told Bitty Bug "Don't eat the TP roll and get that hanger off of your head!" The hubby cocked his eyebrow and waited for me to realize what had just flowed through my mouth.  I laughed, he laughed and Bitty Bug thought she was the next comedy superstar...I had to chase her down to remove the TP roll and hanger.  Don't get me started on Bitty Bug's fascination with Fish!

When Kitty Cat was 3, I again put my foot in my mouth. Dropping off Christmas baskets to the local Volunteer Fire Department. She went running straight for the fire truck and I knew she was about to drop the F-bomb...her "tr" was often replaced by "f". Me, in my infinite wisdom, said a little too loudly "Do NOT say fire truck, that is a bad word!" I then had to explain to the wonderful men on duty why she could not say truck.  They evidently thought this was hilarious, and before I knew it, my Kitty Cat was running around the fire house, yelling fire truck at the top of her!

My point is, we try so hard to make them little adults that act beautifully and speak eloquently so we can see that all of our hard work has paid off, we end up with a list of 237 things we never thought we would say to our children. 

Some of my favorites:

"Don't ask for fish in the store"...rhymes with witch...
"Why is there a pair of panties in the fridge?"
"Boogies may taste good, but they are bad for you"
"Don't eat the wall"...or car or sidewalk or paint, or blanket
"I know she hit you, but you pushed her down the stairs"
"I am going to the potty, do not follow me, do not put your fingers under the door, do not tell me it stinks and do not use the microwave."

All joking aside, I never in a million years thought I would have to ask my husband where he wanted to be buried "just in case".  I never thought I would have to tell my girls that daddy was in Iraq, not where the bomb went off in Afghanistan or explain war to them.  I never thought I would have to tell my amazing FIL that if something happened, he was in charge because I would literally break.

I never thought I would say "Wow, 15 months didn't feel any longer than 12 months" or "No more deployment babies for us! Yay." or "I would rather go to WA. HI doesn't have seasons.

This life is not a drama; it is a sitcom!  Where do you think Hollywood writers come up with all of their hilarity?

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